R.I.P. Dr. Atkins -- let's have a glass of wine

(Also titled: Lamentations of a low carb lush)

Am I the only person in Pagosa who can't drink wine and lose weight? My last sip of wine was prior to Memorial Day, if you can believe that, and I don't feel as if I've lost more than five pounds. I tossed the ancient scale in the trash last month when it said as much. (No, I've not lied to you. I made sure that I drank a whole lot of wine and took a whole lot of tasting notes before jumping on that wagon.) Enough! How's a girl supposed to write a wine column if she's not drinking wine? It was a foolish idea all along. I blame Dr. Atkins, rest his soul. The "induction" phase on his low carb diet forbids wine. But induction is only supposed to last two weeks, really. (If one only has a tiny bit of weight to lose, it's meant to last two weeks. If one wants to lose a lot of weight, induction is forever.) Ugh. Eleven weeks has felt like forever on some days, trust me.

I overheard a snippet on the news one night that drove me straight to Google. MSN's Health and Fitness online offered an exciting article: "Weight Watchers Want Wine." Researchers at Colorado State University conducted a 12-week study and concluded that calories from red wine do not contribute to weight gain!

"Over the study period, 14 healthy males drank two glasses of red wine with dinner daily for six weeks and abstained from drinking alcohol for six weeks, or vice versa." Halfway through the study a variety of measurements were taken: "No changes were found in any of the participants whether they drank red wine or abstained." These findings were consistent with those of many other similar studies and the CSU scientists proclaimed: "Based on our study and other studies, it seems no support can be given to recommending that alcohol consumption be reduced in order to maintain or reduce body weight." Take that, Dr. Atkins, may you slumber in eternally slender peace.

And then I came to and remembered that I am not a man and I am not drinking reds. But summer's almost gone, for heaven's sake, and I'm not ready to drink reds again already, even if it were the secret to my slimness. Time to play catch up on my favorite warm weather whites.

Last Friday I was ready to fling myself head first off the low carb purist wagon. It'd been an exhausting week for many reasons, none of which would garner me much sympathy. Friday afternoon I grabbed one bottle on the way home. And then, not even 48 hours into my ten-day-long stint as critter sitter for my neighbors' six animals, I came home to find the two dogs had busted out of their fenced yard and were surely cavorting in the canyon. "If this screws up my buzz tonight I'm gonna be so pissed" was my first thought. I'm selfish that way. But the dogs came back and the fence was being patched so I tried not to dwell on potential future escapes and how horribly inconvenient that could get if it interfered with my column research.

With a favorite guilty TV pleasure from Wednesday night on tape, I settled in with my own five animals, eager to savor the artistic eccentricities and petty squabbling on "Project Runway". It'd been a few years since I'd sampled the Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc from Chile so this was my refreshing choice for the evening. The 2005 opens with a dominant overlay of fresh grass and grapefruit aromas. Vigorous sniffing and swirling coaxes the sweeter fruit notes to reveal themselves. I perceived the first sip as a bit hot and was not surprised to find a 13.5% alcohol level dominating the fruit flavors. Drats! Then I was faced with that perplexing quandry: Do I press on, in the hope that maybe with a bit more chilling and a bit more opening it will improve? Do I stop right now and save myself the calories, the carbs, and the certain headache? Do I accept it for what it is and let my lofty expectations go because I was so looking forward to this and it's the only bottle in the house? Do I screw the top back on and pop open the 2002 Stag's Leap Cabernet I received as a gift that is lounging down in the garage till autumn? Admonishing myself that even though it was only 70 on the deck I must not waste such a special red on warm weather conditions, I committed to the Veramonte.

And I committed to the self-torture: "Maybe it's a food wine? Why don't I have any good food in the house?" "Because your definition of good wine pairing food is high fat, high sugar and high carb. You know you are not to be trusted, that's why. You remember the deal: you are only allowed to drink wine if you eat low carb. Remember? We've been over this before. For years. REMEMBER?" "I can't believe I spent money on a wine I don't love." "You spent $8.59 on it, Laura. Heed the Wine Avenger's advice: 'Shut up and put it in the glass!' "

The wine has a very firm mineral backbone and a bitter citrus kick, neither of which I favor in this varietal. The wine's label promises flavors of fresh peaches but they'd left the building by the time this bottle reached my house. I reviewed my notes on the 2002 which proved my memory correct: "A grassy and herbaceous nose followed up by green apples and soft, lush tropical fruit flavors -- mango, banana and pineapple. Fruit salad in a bottle!" Previous vintages have been far more exotic and mutli-layered than the 2005 and packed with the juicy flavors I prefer. Not sure why, but that's the roll of the dice we accept when dealing with such sensitive and volatile influences like weather patterns and growing seasons. Sauvignon blanc is a cool weather grape and the flavors and aromas you find in the glass have everything to do with where it is grown. (For the sake of this column I will assume that the wine has not been fermented or aged in oak, as that ruins -- I mean, changes -- everything.) More on that in a future column.

I paired the 2005 Veramonte sauvignon blanc with boneless, skinless, Red Bird chicken breasts sauteed in olive oil along with organic baby carrots, shredded cabbage and yellow squash from the wayward, non-repentant dogs' garden. And then I paired it with the inevitable morning after headache. It's hard out here for a low carb lush.